PMS and D/s

As I travel on a journey to become submissive, it seems that my monthly bout with PMS is trying to throw me overboard. Somehow, dealing with cramping, bloating, and general crankiness does not make me feel submissive. Instead, I feel needy, whiny, and demanding. Fortunately, I have not been with Him during this time. Unfortunately, I have felt compelled to send Him more than daily e-mails, which convey my less than submissive attitude.

This D/s relationship is not 24/7. If I had any intelligence and decorum, I would take my ibuprofen, get my heating pad and go to bed. Instead, I think and overthink what is happening in the relationship, I worry, I become anxious and then I sit down and hammer it all out in an e-mail. Then I reread the e-mail and worry all over again, and send another e-mail. At this point I am amazed and relieved that He hasn't blocked my e-mail from His account. Instead, He tells me that He understands and He does not think I am crazy. Little does He know that I really am, at least this week. I have not told Him directly, that I am PMSing. I have mentioned being hormonal and grouchy, but that is it. For every demanding e-mail, I have followed up with an apologetic one. Of course to me, this would be an additional sign of instability.

I do not think that PMS qualifies for a week long referendum on my submissiveness. My submissiveness involves putting my willfulness in check and turning control over to Him. It is slowly abdicating my limitations and choices and allowing Him the perogative to set those limits and make those choices. It is about trust and honesty. This week, both my trust and honesty have been compromised by out of control hormones. As this week of female hell is wrapping up, I will probably have to suck it up and offer an honest explanantion, followed by a bit of groveling for forgiveness. Next month, I will have to consider requesting that my hands be cuffed behind my back to keep me from any keyboard use.

"Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
~ men's restroom wall, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.